Leaders Know How to Get What They Want By: Rebecca Stone

Meeting Topic

Introduction to Meeting Topic:

In preparation for your next meeting, read the article contributed by Glenda Lewis below and consider sharing a time when you received feedback that was delivered especially well (whether negative or positive). What made it so effective in your view?

And what could YOU change about how you communicate feedback to make it more impactful?

Good Leaders Give Great Feedback By Glenda Lewis

Who doesn’t like receiving good and constructive feedback at home or in the workplace?  The ripple effect of giving great feedback is immeasurable, but for some, articulating clear feedback is like harnessing a fabled unicorn.  Likewise, for providing negative feedback – navigating and preparing for such conversations can be more daunting than tackling the flying fox for the first time at school!  But as a leader of any kind, having the tools in your toolkit to give great feedback and induce change is non-negotiable.

In this article, let’s explore how to give concise but actionable feedback that actually changes behaviour.

As humans, to change our behaviour, we need three things:

  1. A clear goal
  2. A genuine desire to achieve that goal
  3. And here is the clincher – Feedback that keeps us on track; what we’re doing well and what we’re not doing well

As a CFO and executive coach, I have seen many clients sitting across from me grappling with how to articulate feedback, either in business or with their own family or friends.  How I simplify this method is by categorizing positive and negative feedback as separate methods of approach, with each method being done successfully and succinctly within 1 minute.  You can try these with your kids, partner or business contacts.

For positive feedback my key 1-minute tips are:

  • Give feedback in a timely manner.
  • Let others see this recognition (namely in a team or group environment – office huddles, newsletters, team emails etc).
  • Make the feedback specific (be clear, not vague, and give three separate specific things that you liked).
  • And lastly, please don’t sandwich feedback with negativity.

To communicate negative feedback my key 1-minute tips are:

  • Again, give feedback in a timely manner and remember to only critique the behaviour, not the person.
  • Again, make this feedback really specific (give clear examples of things that have not been performed or produced to a standard you would hope or expect).
  • Explain what “good” looks like as far as your expectations of the level and standard of work that should be produced.
  • When its over, its over. Once you have delivered your negative feedback that’s it – there is no need to dwell on it nor bring it up again.

What you say is only 7% of what you actually say!

Something that often surprises people is the impact of what you don’t say.  The pitch, volume, pace and timbre make up 38% of what you actually say (with 55% being body language).  So when you use the tips above to give 1-minute feedback, look people in the eyes and play with your pitch and pace for emphasis.

Providing effective feedback is a crucial leadership skill no matter who or what you are leading.  By providing effective feedback well, you can ignite your employees, family, kids, and business associates and help them and your organization thrive and potentially catch unicorns in the process too!

Find out how Glenda helps support her clients to uplevel their leadership skills here: https://www.theleadershipacademy-glendalewis.com/

Next Meeting Topic

Introduction to Meeting Topic:

This week’s article is contributed by Life Coach Rebecca Stone. In preparation for your next meeting, read the article and consider SHARING something YOU want with your Venus sisters.

Leaders Know How to Get What They Want By: Rebecca Stone

Have you ever had life confront you with clear evidence that something is very, very, wrong?

For me, it was coming home to find my husband of 18 years had moved out. While that was a shock – the problem that I was confronted with was a lack of financial security. I had recently left my corporate career to launch a coaching business, with all of “our” money tied up in “his” businesses.

I felt so incredibly stupid.

I was an intelligent woman, how had I ended up in this position?

And this is where I found my saving grace – I am an intelligent woman, the better question to ask myself was “How am I going to get what I want?”. This started me on a journey that would take a couple of years, to end with my divorce being finalized and my financial independence secured.

I have reflected on my journey and mapped out some steps to help others figure out how to get what they want too.

1. Know what you want.

This may seem super simple, but for me, this step took the better part of 12 months. The pitfalls of glossing over this step are you end up chasing a dream that is not yours. Take the time to truly understand what you want.

2. Why is this important?

Once you have landed on what you want, work out why it is important to you. I challenge you to write down 10 reasons why you want it and what it will mean for you when you attain it. What personal value does this speak to for you?

3. Share what you want.

This step can seem super scary, you may need to pick and choose who you share it with, but the benefit is twofold. Firstly, it helps you to commit to what you want, a form of accountability – speaking it out loud gives it power. Secondly, if you are negotiating with someone, telling them what you want is an important step in the process. It allows them to understand where you stand and what the parameters of the negotiation are.

4. You have the power.

Ultimately, you have full autonomy and power over yourself and you can get what you want. If you are struggling with this step write a list of your achievements, what are the skills that you have that allowed you to achieve these things? What are you good at? How can you leverage your skill set to get what you want?

5. Keep going.

Don’t give up, be persistent, be consistent, and believe in yourself. When self-doubt creeps in go back to Step 2 and remind yourself why this is important to you. Getting what you want requires hard work and commitment, and when you keep going you will achieve it.

6. Don’t negotiate with terrorists

For clarity, I don’t mean freedom fighters who are dedicated to a cause – but individuals who are “playing the game” or more focused on their ego than the outcome. If you can walk away, do it – find someone else to work with. Or use a mediator (like your lawyer) if walking away is not an option.

If you would like help on your journey to “Get what you want” I would love to hear from you. Check out my Venus profile and hit the link to book a Discovery Call, or visit my website: www.stonesthrow.co.nz

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