Why your self-doubt thoughts keep sabotaging you, and how you can stop being stuck in the Fear Zone. By Tabitha Arthur
We ALL have self doubts – it’s not just you! Where things start to truly suck is when those voices of self doubt take over and get in the way of your success; of you living the life you want.
It’s important to identify the difference between thoughts that get in your way, and those that are trying to keep you safe from actual, real, this-could-kill-me danger. Let’s start by getting clear on WHY we have self-doubting – and self-sabotaging – thoughts.
When your brain is working to keep you safe, it’s trying to help save you from literal death, such as freezing on the spot so that mountain lion doesn’t spy you and eat you. Yes, this is a cave-folk time example – because that is what our brains evolved to help us with: literal survival. Our civilization has evolved so rapidly that we don’t have the need for our brain to function like that on the daily anymore. Generally speaking we don’t tend to run into mountain lions on the way to the local cafe.
Our brains developed to help keep us alive, but nowadays we have comparatively cushy lives, so that function of our brain is running on unchecked overdrive searching for danger, trying to be helpful and hunting for things to save us from. Hence negative, unhelpful thoughts.
Now we’re clear on WHY this happens, let’s look at getting you out of being stuck in the Fear Zone.
One powerful way to help you stop being stuck in the Fear Zone is by focusing on WHY you do what you do, and WHO you do it for.
This works, because when you feel deeply connected to your Why, and set that at the core of everything you do, then it becomes not about you – it’s all about helping others, helping the world to be a better place.
Start by asking yourself some helpful, quality questions.
Doing this as a written exercise is important – getting those thoughts out of your heads and down onto paper is scientifically proven to work.
- What do I feel filled with energy and passion about? What makes me feel expansive and charged up?
- What do I know, what have I learnt? What am I good at and love to do?
- What do I see missing in the world? How can I help others?
- Who do I want to help the most? Describe these people.
- Circle the things that make you feel the most charged up. What activities might this result in you doing?
- What might this look like if you were paid for it? What might you incorporate into your mahi – Put this together into a sentence so you are super clear on your Why.
- Remind yourself of your Why every day.
Many people make the mistake of letting FEAR get in the way of doing what is best for them, their business – and their clients – by not showing up.
Once you place your focus on your WHY, your self-doubts will fall away – you will no longer be afraid to take action, because you are doing this for a mission bigger than you.
Bonus: A tip to help you get more ideal clients to want to do business with YOU!
Because you will be radiating clarity of purpose, people you want to work with will be attracted to you like magnets.
I have a whole lot of tips and tools to help you bust your self doubts and gain inner-confidence. My free mini online workshop is coming up in Quarter 1 2023. Find out more and get on the waitlist now: www.tabithaarthur.com/unlock-inner-confidence
Intro to next meeting tropic:
As the saying goes, ‘You make your own luck’. That’s because luck is about putting yourself in a position where the opportunity you want is available to you. THE KEY IS KNOWING WHAT IT IS YOU WANT. Without this information, the best opportunity in the world could be right in front of you and chances are you won’t see it. So this week, let’s see how much ‘luck’ we can generate for each other by putting out there what you WANT in your 1-minute intro!
Next Meeting Topic
Know what you want to get the opportunities you deserve by Justine Storey
Opportunities are everywhere. Truly they are.
Do you ever wonder why some people seem so lucky – always having opportunities fall into their lap – when you feel like this never happens to you and the opportunity is never there in front of you?
As the saying goes, ‘You make your own luck’. That’s because luck is about putting yourself in the position where the opportunity you want is available to you. THE KEY IS KNOWING WHAT IT IS YOU WANT. Without this information, the best opportunity in the world could be right in front of you and chances are you won’t see it.
Our brains do so much work behind the scenes – and helping us to recognise opportunities is just one of the amazing ways it works.
I call it the ‘yellow car syndrome’.
When we say, “I want to buy a new car”, our brain says, “Thanks – great plan. Let me know when you see one you like, and I’ll get to working out if that’s the right one for us”. And not much happens. You might stumble across the car you want but chances are time will pass and there won’t be a new car in the driveway.
However, if you say “I want to buy a new car, and it has to be yellow” then suddenly everywhere you go you see yellow cars. Our brains are going “Hey there’s one! Is that the one we want?” Our mind recognises an opportunity when it appears and is pointing it out to see if it’s the one we want.
The real key to this though is knowing what you want. Without this vital bit of information, how will you ever be able to identify the opportunities in front of you? When you know exactly what you want, it changes the conversations you have with others, or the points you pick out of an article, or your approach to a problem. It moves you from blindly going about your day, to having your brain ticking away in the background assessing each situation – essentially on the hunt for those ‘lucky’ opportunities.
So what does this look like?
When I’m working with a client looking to change careers, the conversation goes from:
“I want to change career, but I don’t know what I want to do.”
“I’m looking for new opportunities that focus on doing these things that are really important to me.”
That works just the same for any of us in business.
For example, if the aim is to have more money in the account by the end of the year, the conversation goes from:
“I want to make more money in 2023.”
“I’m looking for opportunities to increase the profitability of my business.”
The difference is there can now be multiple opportunities for that to happen. More sales, price reviews, new markets, better systems, collaborations, better marketing – the list goes on.
The second statement invites discussion, the first – well that just has us all nodding going “Yeah, me too!” When you think about what you want, it is not about focusing on the outcome (making more money) it is being open to thinking creatively about how you get there.
To find out more about how Justine helps her clients through her business Orange Fox, visit her website: www.orangefox.co.nz or email her email@example.com
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