INTRODUCTION FOR NEXT MEETING TOPIC:
This week’s article for our Mindset Pillar has been contributed by Carol Reid- owner of Soulpreneurs. She shares an overview of the 12 core human fears and ways we can better manage them. Remember – FEAR stands for False Evidence Appearing Real! Don’t fall prey to the lies your brain may be telling you in its misdirected efforts to keep you ‘safe’.
As you prepare for your next meeting, consider sharing one fear that you have conquered and what strategy you used to do so with your group – we’re all here to support one another, so share a relevant lesson you’ve learned about FEAR.
Befriend and Transcend Fear By Carol Reid
We all know our friend Fear. It creeps up behind us and shouts “BOO” at the most inopportune times. It screams “who are you to start that business?” “What do you know about doing that role?” When we experience failure, Fear says “I’ll be here in the dark shadows smiling and telling you: I told you so”.
But Fear can be our friend. Fear can teach us so many lessons. Fear can save us. Discernment is the key. When is Fear our friend and when is Fear our foe? Will you let it hold you back from a life well lived?
Here are 12 Core Human Fears. A FEAR OF…..
Failure: Remember, there is no success without failure. You’re preventing yourself from growing if you don’t take the opportunity. Failure is market research!
Success: You might not want to stand out too much. What did your parents teach you about success? Don’t skite, don’t show off? Leave it in the past where it belongs.
Rejection: This is feeling too scared to ask for what we want. What if they say no? Oh, but what if they say yes? People aren’t mind readers. ASK for what you want.
Not Being Good Enough: People also call this Imposter Syndrome. I’m not smart enough to do that. I’m not good enough to say or be that. Is nothing ever good enough for you? Check back into childhood. Take back your power from Mum, Dad, Sibling, Aunt, Uncle, Family Friend and prove them wrong.
Scarcity: This affects your choices. Fear of not having enough. We get from life not what we WANT but what we ARE. Be generous, and abundance will follow you. Your inner world influences and reflects your outer world. Look for the win/win in every interaction.
Looking Different: This is managing the expectations of others. If I stand out, I will be judged. Live by your values. Be true to yourself. Will it matter in 10 years’ time, five years’ time, one year from now?
Losing Control: We know this as fear of the unknown. Most of life is unknown. If you knew then what you know now, you wouldn’t have held on so tightly. People on their death bed often remark – I wish I had trusted more and not taken things so seriously. Flex your letting go muscle more often and trust that life is unfolding FOR you and not TO you.
Being Alone: What we do to fill our lives up from the outside is all an escape and feeds the fear rather than filling yourself up. Be okay to be by yourself but participate in the world. Know thyself.
Illness: We’ve all been sick at one time or other. Some of us have survived serious DIS-Ease. The body is a miracle. Look after your body and treat it well. It’s your personal mode of transport. You live in it 24/7. When you say you don’t have time to exercise or eat well you really don’t have time not to. There are only 168 hours in a week – schedule in time to tune and fuel your engine.
Love: We tend to reject before we can be rejected. However, when we live with an open heart, we can create miracles. People will remember you for how you made them feel not what you did or had. There are no moving vans following the hearse! Love now while you still can.
Insignificance: This is the fear that our lives are unfulfilled or that we don’t matter. The fact is none of us are here by chance. You are unique and your uniqueness benefits the world. Use it.
Death: No one is getting out of here alive! Worry is a form of prayer. Your personal power is in this present moment – use it wisely and accept what can’t be changed and change what is in your power to change. It’s your game of life – play it well.
Your greatest growth lies in living outside your comfort zone. There is no security in the safe harbour of the known – that’s just an illusion – and things will change tomorrow anyway.
So, what is the antidote to fear, I hear you asking? It’s really simple. Love is the antidote to fear. Where there is love, fear cannot exist. You cannot feel love and fear in the same moment.
And how do you bring in more love? Tell yourself a new story. Re-create the past by embracing your future. Create a legacy of a life well lived. Use the 0.25 seconds between stimulus and response to change your story. Catch yourself in the moment and make a better choice.
Better awareness equals better choices. How will letting go of one of these core human fears affect your business? What will YOU change the next time a core human fear comes knocking on your door, wanting to come in for a cuppa and a chat?
Carol is a Desire Map practitioner and helps her clients feel inspired so they can thrive! Want to know more about she can help you? Visit her website here: https://www.soulpreneurs.co.nz/
Next Meeting Topic
INTRODUCTION FOR NEXT MEETING TOPIC:
This week’s meeting topic carries on the current pillar theme of looking after our MINDSET. The article below is contributed by stylist Nina Fountain. In it Nina shares two of the key things she has noticed that hold many women back from feeling confident in their own skin (which impacts on their ability to achieve what they want!) and ways they can show these confidence killers the door. Read the article, and consider including in your 60-second introduction YOUR experience with these common confidence killers and what things have worked for YOU to boost your confidence when it dips.
Confidence that releases potential By Nina Fountain
“Does my bum look big in this?”
She knows the feeling. Uncertainty with a hint of dread, as she examines those curves again and tries to work out whether to put that outfit back or keep it on.
Fronting up to those colleagues today, with that client, she wants to feel her best. And if her bum looks big, it will just be one more thing that takes up thinking space and could throw her off her game…
I am a Personal Stylist and it’s my job to help women feel more confident about themselves. I work with them to understand their current wardrobe and outfits and take them in the direction they want to go. If my client doesn’t end up with a smile on her face, brimming with confidence, then I haven’t done my job.
As women in business, we know the difference confidence makes. If we sound confident as a podcast host, we are seen as someone with authority. If we convey confidence in a business meeting, we can attract more interesting work. We might even be able to charge more.
None of us deserves to be held back in life. We are entrepreneurs, dreamers, changemakers and doers. We can see what is possible and we are making it happen. Why should anything hold us back?
The no.1 habit to change…
I believe the no.1 restriction that holds a woman back from being confident is the way she sees herself.
We can be so hard on ourselves. We have made a habit of it. We can use terrible words to describe ourselves. When it comes to body parts, I sometimes hear words like ‘chunky’, ‘flat’ and ‘sticks’. I’ve heard women say “I have no style” and “I’ve got such a weird body shape.” This can extend to our careers and businesses: “I really don’t know what I’m doing…”
The thing is, there are always two ways to see ourselves. The glass is either half full or half empty. Having a perception that is distorted towards the negative is like wearing the wrong prescription glasses – we see ourselves in a distorted way doesn’t help us put one foot in front of the other.
The ultimate way to build confidence is to change the words we use, to swap out the critical, judgmental and negative terms with something that is still plausible, but is positive. Instead of ‘chunky’, your legs might also be ‘strong’. Instead of ‘ flat’, your chest could be ‘sporty’. Or instead of ‘sticks’, your arms could also be seen as ‘slight’.
This is more than just a word game, and I think I can prove it. Anyone who reads that previous paragraph back to themselves and notices their internal state as they read it will pick up that the negative words provoke tension and stress, while the positive words bring lightness and ease. Reading the positive words is a completely different experience.
This woman’s legs, chest and arms are still the same in terms of their size and dimensions, but now she sees them differently and feels differently when she talks about them. And that’s the beginning of confidence.
For sure, any woman taking advice from an experienced styling professional will find it easier to accept these ways of seeing herself. But the option is available to any of us who want to recognise the power of our own words to create the way we see ourselves.
The second surprise restriction…
I believe the second condition that holds us back is a lack of messages in our environment that line up with our confident selves. A woman might have her internal head game finely tuned – she sees herself in a new light, she sees her possibilities and accepts her unique shape and personality.
And yet her things are shouting ‘loser’ and ‘failure’. Every time she looks at that ball gown on the left of the cupboard, it quietly reminds her of feeling out of her depth that night she wore it. She keeps that corporate suit only because her mother-in-law told her she should have it, but it seems to remind her of something she hasn’t been able to reach.
Then there is the opposite experience. Imagine the woman who finds great joy in her daily environment. She has fewer moments of tension. She questions herself less. She feels more confident.
One of my favourite reads from last year was a book called ‘Joyful’ by Ingrid Fettell Lee. As a previous head designer at the world-famous design company IDEO, Ingrid sees the power of beautiful design to lift and direct people’s moods.
Ingrid shares all the many ways you can bring energy, abundance, freedom, harmony, play and more into your environment through its look and feel, signature elements, décor, ambience and other features.
It’s enlightening to realise that our emotional brain understands shapes differently and prefers some shapes over others. So if you don’t like those angular chairs, or that oddly-shaped dress, or that table in your study, and you are just putting up with it, perhaps that thing is creating a low-lying source of stress for you.
And conversely, if you add things to your environment that reduce your stress and tell you a different message, then every day you hear a different story and those old negative, critical judgments can take a back seat.
Take this crucial step…
There is a special kind of magic we can create by giving a couple of quick ‘one-two’ punches to confidence killers.
When we change not only our internal game, but also our external game, everywhere we turn it’s a different story – that old confidence-ruining narrative doesn’t have a home.
The trick is to tune into the messages we’re hearing from ourselves in the words we use to describe ourselves, and the messaging coming from the objects in our environment. If we don’t like what we hear, we can show those messages the door and replace them with words and things that will help us be our best.
All the best to you as you pursue your goals this year.
Nina Fountain, Personal Stylist at Style Gorgeous
Remote and local styling to help women everywhere unlock personal style they completely enjoy.