Introduction to Meeting Topic:
This week’s article is contributed by Life Coach Rebecca Stone. In preparation for your next meeting, read the article and consider SHARING something YOU want with your Venus sisters.
Leaders Know How to Get What They Want By: Rebecca Stone
Have you ever had life confront you with clear evidence that something is very, very, wrong?
For me, it was coming home to find my husband of 18 years had moved out. While that was a shock – the problem that I was confronted with was a lack of financial security. I had recently left my corporate career to launch a coaching business, with all of “our” money tied up in “his” businesses.
I felt so incredibly stupid.
I was an intelligent woman, how had I ended up in this position?
And this is where I found my saving grace – I am an intelligent woman, the better question to ask myself was “How am I going to get what I want?”. This started me on a journey that would take a couple of years, to end with my divorce being finalized and my financial independence secured.
I have reflected on my journey and mapped out some steps to help others figure out how to get what they want too.
1. Know what you want.
This may seem super simple, but for me, this step took the better part of 12 months. The pitfalls of glossing over this step are you end up chasing a dream that is not yours. Take the time to truly understand what you want.
2. Why is this important?
Once you have landed on what you want, work out why it is important to you. I challenge you to write down 10 reasons why you want it and what it will mean for you when you attain it. What personal value does this speak to for you?
3. Share what you want.
This step can seem super scary, you may need to pick and choose who you share it with, but the benefit is twofold. Firstly, it helps you to commit to what you want, a form of accountability – speaking it out loud gives it power. Secondly, if you are negotiating with someone, telling them what you want is an important step in the process. It allows them to understand where you stand and what the parameters of the negotiation are.
4. You have the power.
Ultimately, you have full autonomy and power over yourself and you can get what you want. If you are struggling with this step write a list of your achievements, what are the skills that you have that allowed you to achieve these things? What are you good at? How can you leverage your skill set to get what you want?
5. Keep going.
Don’t give up, be persistent, be consistent, and believe in yourself. When self-doubt creeps in go back to Step 2 and remind yourself why this is important to you. Getting what you want requires hard work and commitment, and when you keep going you will achieve it.
6. Don’t negotiate with terrorists
For clarity, I don’t mean freedom fighters who are dedicated to a cause – but individuals who are “playing the game” or more focused on their ego than the outcome. If you can walk away, do it – find someone else to work with. Or use a mediator (like your lawyer) if walking away is not an option.
If you would like help on your journey to “Get what you want” I would love to hear from you. Check out my Venus profile and hit the link to book a Discovery Call, or visit my website: www.stonesthrow.co.nz
Next Meeting Topic
How being ‘in the zone’ boosts your performance and your resilience By Sharon Spence & Suzie Marsden
Can you describe the feeling of being ‘in the zone’?
For most people they have a sense that time disappears. Things just click, feel right and easy. They describe feeling deeply focussed and completely in the moment. They lose any sense of self-consciousness. They talk about feeling energised, even a bit joyful. Sounds good doesn’t it?!
Psychologists call this ‘flow state’.
It’s not something we typically think about, but we should. There is a well documented correlation between flow state and high performance. We all want to run successful businesses. We should know what has us in the zone.
It’s also great for our mental and physical wellbeing to be doing flow state activities. When we’re doing work that has us ‘in the zone’ we’re more likely to be happier and more resilient.
Equally, when we’re not in the zone, it can lead to us feeling bored and unmotivated and if we do these activities too often it can lead us into a depressive and depleted state.
I doubt there are many, if any, jobs that would have us 100% in the zone but if we understand when we’re ‘in the zone’ a bit better, we can use that to make choices about the type of work we dial up.
Likewise when we recognise when we are definitely NOT in the zone, we can try to minimise the amount of time we are doing these activities or even outsource them (a referral to another Venus member perhaps?!)
How can I identify when I’m In or Out of the Zone?
According to positive psychologists Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi and Jeanne Nakamura who popularised the idea, flow happens when we are challenged by the activity (the sweet spot where it is not too easy nor too difficult) and we’re using skills we enjoy using.
Everyone’s flow state will be different so we suggest keeping an ‘in the zone’ and ‘out of the zone’ diary for a while. It could simply be making notes on your phone over a period of time, e.g. three or four weeks, about each activity and teasing out what you liked about the activity (or didn’t).
Your friends for this mission are what, where, when, who and how. Let us explain;
Note down any time you catch yourself feeling in the zone or conversely when you’re doing something that makes sticking pins in your eyes a somewhat attractive alternative.
This is the ‘what’. Don’t stop there though, you want to dig deeper and take note of;
Where are you? – is it a quiet place or is it buzzing; inside; outside; what are the conditions? Is it light filled, is it cosy etc?
When did you have this feeling? – time of day, day of the week or any other time consideration
Who, if anyone, are you with? Describe your relationship to them – close friends, team members etc. What role are you playing? What role are they playing?
How are you doing this activity? E.g are you using your hands? Does it require specific skills? Notice the details.
We’ve found that giving this topic a decent amount of focus will help you identify, not only the times you’re in flow state but you may also notice some common themes emerging or conditions that have you in the zone – e.g. it may be you need quiet, solo time to be most productive or when you’ve got a complex problem to solve, or you love to brainstorm with a small group of others to get your creative juices flowing.
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Knowing this will help you find or set up activities that will have you more often in flow state and we believe that will lead to a more productive and happier you.
Sharon and Suzie run amp’d. They help people with career coaching and career planning programmes so they can find their way to work they can love. This activity is one of the activities they use to help people understand themselves better before thinking about job choices.
You can find out more about them at their website: https://www.ampdcareers.com/